GAK KERASA UDAH DESEMBER LAGI.
Perasaan baru kemaren gue lagi gogoleran di kasur sambil ngumpet di bawah selimut garagara takut denger suara petasan petasan yang meledak-ledak pas taun baru 2015.
30 hari lagi udah mau 2016. CEPET BANGET SIH WAKTU BERLALUNYA.
Time to re-decorate my room with my ol' fairylights!

Tadi pagi gue bangun rada telat akibat tidur terlalu malem. Gue berangkat ke sekolah, di jalan pas rada macet berenti di samping sebuah angkot pas nengok arah situ eh ada si ono. Kaborrrr.
Pas sampe sekolah, lagi jalan di koridor arah kelas gue perasaan gue ga enak, gue balik badan ke belakang, ada lagi si ono-_- creepy sangad.

Sampe kelas gue teriak-teriak gajelas "AAAAAAAAK AAAAAAK" sampe temen gue nanya "Yarra lupa minum obat lagi ya" seperti biasa.
Gue ambil headset, keluar, terus dengerin lagu sambil joget-joget shedap. Gabut tuh gada guru, jadi kita ngobrol doang kerjaannya. Gue yang mulai bosen teriak "ADA YANG MAU KANTIN GAK" awalnya dikacangin tapi akhirnya tsabita sama mega mau oke kita cus ke kantin.
Sampe kantin gue ke bejo terus bengong ada kali lima menit bingung mau beli apa. akhirnya? gajadi beli. GEBLEK
Gue beli cireng sosis hm mantap.
Terus tadi anak kelas pada gangguin gue jadinya kesel terus gue marah-marah ampe tenggorokan sakit lagi;_______;
Udah jam jam mau pulang si mega tau tau ngomong "eh si ono bilang makasih buat note-nya" anjing anjing gue panik DIA NEMU NOTE GUE FAK. gue kira gabakal nemu dia anjir gue malu pisan itu.
Sebelum pulang ditahan dulu diajak foto sekelas. okeoke. kita foto-foto.
Udah selesai pulang gue lari-lari ke ojek biar keburu sampe rumah sebelum ujan eh tetep aja keujanan ampe basah kuyup di jalan. Mana besok mau uas, mampus aja paling gue sakit mwahahaha.
Di jalan gue bayangin ih pasti romantis ya ujan ujanan berdua sama doi (kalo punya). jadi inget mantan. EH.
Sampe rumah ku langsung ganti baju terus nulis post ini deh wkakaka
BHAY

December, please be nice. November has been a jerk, so- yeah.
December Wish: NILAI GUE NAIK, GUE BISA JADI ORANG BAIK, DAN HIDUP GUE GA AKAN LAGI KAYAK TAIK. (it rhymes lol)

What thoughts are you immersed in like that?

You and I remain here

Full of anticipation

Like a dream we’ve drawn together,

Come to me, sweetie

Remember us of the glorious past days

We cried and also laughed

Still hoping that we can go back to that time in the beginning

We were always together, we became alike

I can’t even imagine fogetting you,

We were one, me and you

It keeps becoming disjointed

Even though you’re nearby, I can’t see your heart

Like how the moon quickly blooms when the sun sets,

I hope you’ll return to me as if nothing happened,

The painful now will disappear afar like a dream

When you disappear,

The season is cold, my breathing becomes faint

Warm heart, small gestures 

Before your breathing becomes faint,

Please turn your footsteps

Your star light that passes by me once

Two meaningless stars

For a special friend. Aku sayang kamu<3 Sangat aneh saat gue sadar kita bahkan belum deket lama, tapi banyak kesamaannya. EHEHEHE.

i'm definitely not the happiest person atm, but i'm not sad either.
gue suka-nggak suka sama keadaannya. suka, karena gue sekarang udah ga segalau dulu, udah selo-selo aja. nggak suka, karena masih ada yang ngeganjel, masih ada yang ngegantung dan belum terselesaikan, dan masih ada rasa bersalah yang numpuk; belum menghilang. gue tahu persis semua muka orang-orang yang gue sayang dibalik topeng mereka masing-masing. and fucking hell, i don't like the view. karena gue tahu, mereka masang topeng juga awalnya gara-gara gue.

i'm glad i remain friends with her. gue nyaman ngobrol sama dia, walaupun ku tak tahu dia nyaman atau tidak wkakaka. cuma gue selalu ngerasa berdosa, selebar apapun senyum yang dia kasih ke gue, sengakak apapun ketawa dia, deep down dia masih sakit gegara gue. ya tuhanku.

and about him... gue ga ngerti lagi gue harus ngapain. should i chase him or something? or should i just let him go? entah.

i'm okay. i'm fine.

a conversation i had with my ex-bf aka tempat curhat gue
"How is he?"
"He's okay,"
"How are you?"
"Fine."
"How's your heart?"
"Still in pieces. too tired to even fix it, so i'm just gonna let it this way. Broken."

You can meet someone who’s just right, but he might not be meant for you. You break up, you lose things, you never feel the same again. But maybe you should stop questioning why. Maybe you should just accept it and move on. -Melbourne: Rewind

"Rasa kehilangan itu wajar. Tapi percaya deh, semuanya akan baik-baik aja. Suatu hari, lo akan bangun dan nggak merasakan apa-apa. Semua beban dari masa lalu lo, rasa sedih ini, puff! hilang begitu saja. Dan saat itu, lo akan lebih ikhlas menjalani semuanya, karena lo udah menerima bahwa kenyataan nggak bisa diubah. " adalah kata-kata yang gue katakan kepada diri sendiri setiap hari.

nothing unusual, y know.
my hair's messy, my room's messy, and my mind is even messier.
i'm trying to distract myself from the thought and look of him, so i always read books; they've been the best for keeping myself busy for a couple of hours.
but even my favorite books failed this time.
ya, gue gabisa menahan mata gue untuk mengekori dia.

gue butuh refreshing.
GUE MAU LULURAN DAN DIMASSAGE OH MY GOD SOMEONE TAKE ME TO A SALON PLS
GUE MAU MAKAN ESKRIM OREO DAN COKLAT tapi yatuhan muka gue udah kayak balon
GUE MAU JALAN JALAN SAMA TEMEN GUE BIAR GUE BISA KETAWA DENGAN SUNGGUH SUNGGUH gak kayak di sekolah ketawanya maksa banget wakakakak
GUE MAU... DEKET ELO. EAAAAAA. WKWKWK YAKAGALA

dah dulu ah ngomong gajelasnya, mau istirahat.
With love,

Yarra xx

P.S: senyum gue yang menawan ini(?) selalu muncul saat liat lo EAAAA SA AE YAR AH WAKAKAK