what if —

they're not the one i'm looking for?
what if —
all of this is useless, and instead finding for the real thing, i'm just wasting my time?
what if —
this is merely a mistake i shouldn't have made, and i'm going to ruin everything?

and so many other what ifs.
some called it irrational fears,
but for me it's very real; terrifying, and the whole time feels like i'm free falling in the sky, waiting to land whether on a soft, fluffy cushion land or on a deadly hard cement.

i shouldn't worry so much they say,
but it's kinda hard not to,
when i don't even know what exactly i am feeling at the moment. i'm not so sure about myself anymore.