i remember the time i made a decision that i know would hurt several people – including myself. because i know that's what i need to do, because that is what's meant to be, because that's just how that should be. and i don't regret every single thing.

except i didn't know the hurt could last this long.

it's a couple months later, and even though i thought i've found closure and completely forgot all about it, turns out i'm just very good at forcing myself to act like i was feeling nothing.

turns out i'm still drawn to you after all.

this was so new to me as i never felt this hopeless about someone before. the fear of hurting you, the guilt of feeling that fear itself, the way i hold my smile everytime i hear the laugh of yours. i still can't look at you in your eyes, and somehow when i try we accidentally locked eyes and that 0.5s would made my day a whole lot better.

this is kinda hard for me as we were just a couple of frayed knot that was just left hanging – without anyone tying us back or separate us completely. we were just hanging side by side. and just like that, i was back on two years ago, meeting you for the first time, and thought to myself,

"wow, he's cute."