Hey- it's okay to write something sentimental once in a while, right?
"but yarra, you write things like that ALL THE TIME."
......alrighty then.

Wasssssup. Apa kabar. Gimana puasanya, udah ada yang bolong belum?
Ah cukup basa basinya.

Jadi beberapa hari ini gue berpikir, coba kalo gue punya time machine. haaaaaaaah. gue pengen banget rasanya muterbalikkin waktu.
I think i'm at the lowest point in my life right now. gue bokek(?), gue jadi sering sakit, banyak masalah personal, dan gue ga terlalu suka sekolah.
Yeah, my high school life sucks.
It's not like i'm bullied or something- it's just that i'm not enjoying school. I have some friends, they're cool, but it's not like what i used to dream when i'm in middle school. i always dreamed like you know, high schools in movies. they're great and all. in reality it's not. haha.
I feel like i'm slowly changing into a new person too.
And i'm not happy with that.
Like what i said in one of my posts back then, i used to be so cheery, and free to act because nobody was judging me, or said something bad. (well some people disses me but because i was a sassy bitch i just shrug it off.)
but now i'm becoming a very easily-worried, tertutup, and just.. you know.. a little quiet person.

Something in my back of my mind always screams "this is NOT me" when i act like who i am right now. I fake smiles nowadays, and i used to step on some bitches that talk behind my back, and now i just keep... silent.

I miss my old self. I've tried to be her, but it's not working. I'm too scared of what people would think of me.

One morning, it was rainy, i woke up in my room and somehow it feels like deja vu, because back then on my junior high school year, i woke up on a rainy morning once and the aura, it just felt similar. i looked at my door, and unconsciously, i hoped that when i turn the knob and open up my door, i hope i turn back into the early 2014, to my happiest moment of my life, when i go to my old school and happily greet everyone, and joke around, the time when i never fake my smiles again. i knew it was impossible, i was being silly for hoping something immature and childish like that. i opened the door and..
..everything remains the same.
i didn't go back to the past, i was still a high school student.
and it hit me.
i laughed bitterly. wow, how childish i am. waktu nggak bisa di pause, di fast-forward, atau di rewind. waktu ya jalan gitu-gitu aja, terus kedepan. bego banget gue mikir gue semacam pesulap atau apa bisa balikkin waktu.
gue tau lo yang baca bakal ngetawain gue, like apaan sih yarra alay bgt begini.
You're not in my place, bro. :))

Untuk mempersingkat semua ini: i miss my past. so badly that i would get emotional if i reminisce that time ahahahaha.

Udahlah, mau gimana lagi...