So.... something just happened.

I was spacing out, playing with that bracelet... that broken bracelet, i was playing with it, and unconsciously push the button thing, hard.
and guess what?
gelang itu kembali seperti semula. as in nggak rusak lagi, dan sekarang bisa dipake.
gue shock, kaget, bengong sesaat.
i whispered, "whoa, what the heck."

perasaan gue campur aduk.
gue seneng sekarang gelang itu udah terperbaiki(?), tapi... gue ada kecewanya juga.

he broke that bracelet.
and i succesfully fixed it.

you know what?
now i'm sure i can fix something else that he broke.









my heart.

i thought i was a strong person.

but here i am, crying like a little whiny kid.

today i woke up and look around,
ngeliat kamar gue yang kondisinya udah acak-acakan parah,
dan berpikir "wow i should totally clean things up"
gue pun beres-beres.
ditengah beresin meja, gue nemuin gelang pensi. pikiran gue langsung menuju ke beberapa bulan yang lalu.......

"mana sih gelang gue" gue ngubek-ngubek isi goodie bag gue. setelah nemu gue ambil. karena gelang itu lagi kekancing(???) atau apalah itu, gue coba buka. susah.
"duh." gue udah coba buka sekuat tenaga tapi ga kebuka-buka. "anjir keras bgt" ambigu........
"sini coba sama gue," dia nyela, ngambil gelang sialan itu dari tangan gue. dia coba buka, dan berhasil, tapi.... kancingnya copot gt(?) jadi gabisa dipasang lagi. "AAAAAAAAAH ELOOOOO MAAAAAH" gue mewek boongan. "eh maaf maaf" kata lo sambil ketawa. "nih ambil punya gue aja" gue cuma bisa nyengir dan bilang "yaelah selo sih wkwk gausah gausah"

gue senyum. dan mengingat kejadian beberapa minggu sesudahnya, udah pensi selesai

"yeuuu masih aja dipake tuh gelang" kata gue sambil ngelirik gelang yang ngelingker di pergelangan tangannya. dia nyengir. "gapapa kenang-kenangan" "lo sih ngerusak gelang gueee hih sebel" dia nyengir lagi. "ehehe maaf deh, dendam banget dah lo"

back then when things were good between us, haha.

but no, no way in hell gue mau balik ke jaman itu. jaman jahiliyah bgt wkwk.
dah ah goodnight.

It's a korean drama that i'm currently watching and it's HELLA GOOD
Gue teralig-alig sama ini drama, setiap episode bisa bikin gue ngakak + nangis, dan gue ga boong sumpah asik bgt:(
DRAMA FAVORIT GUE

SQUAD GOALS<3

My favorite quotes from the drama:

“What helps you overcome obstacles isn’t brains but someone who will take your hand and will not let you go.” -Duksun

“The home inflicted upon you outside the home, the scars inflicted on you by life itself and the pain inflicted on you by your family… the people who will hold and stand by you until the end, it’s family”
-Duksun

“There is no need to force the harsh truth onto a small bit of happiness – sometimes you need an illusion to be happy”

“The feeling of being accustomed only comes with having spent a long time with something / someone and the only people I am comfortable with who truly know me, embrace me & console me. Sometimes you’re so sick of something and it may look so tacky you don’t even want to look at it but the only people in the world who can protect me are my people“

“When true love manifests, it doesn’t allow one to be concerned over one’s pride and causes one to cast it aside. That is why mothers are strong” -Sung Bora

“Even when I’m at the age to be a mother, my mother always be my guardian angel. Calling her by the name Mom is something that has the power to tug at my heartstrings. Mothers are always strong” 

“Time flies… time eventually creates farewell and it always leaves people with regrets”

“A line indicates a limit saying: ‘That’s as far as you get.’ Protecting a line is remaining in that comfortable space you have used to and maintain those rules, that world, those relationships. Not crossing the line also means that you will never see a new world with new rules & relationships. If you dream of a new relationship, if you dream of love – you have to cross that line” -Duksun

Gue masih bingung lebih ship Duksun-Junghwan atau Duksun-Taek T_____T dua duanya super cute
Kalo di dramanya, gue suka banget sm duksun-junghwan. mereka lucu!! dengan junghwang atau jungpalie yang sok cool tapi diem diem care dan duksun yang bener-bener ga peka LOL KYUT


TAPI DI REALITY AKU SHIP TAEK-DUKSUN ALIAS BOGEUM-HYERI T__________T di behind the scene dramanya mereka selalu keliatan mesra ;_; aku juga mau sm cowok kayak bogeum

dua orang yang berbeda, rasa sakit yang sama.
kenapa gue harus ditakdirkan sial dalam hal ini ya?
about two years ago, in midnight, i would always cry myself to sleep, thinking of this little guy that i loved, and crying over the fact that he didn't like me back.
and now here i am; still in the same spot, crying, unless this time it's a new person.

gue capek sakit.
kenapa gue gabisa kayak temen-temen gue? yang bisa pacaran-putus-move on-pacaran-putus-move on?
kenapa gue harus jadi orang yang sekali sayang sama orang akan membekas lama?
kenapa gue harus punya feelings?
kenapa gue gak jadi orang yang dingin, emotionless dan gak berperasaan aja?

huft.

waktu itu udah 15 biji... sekarang ditambah 30 lagi ehehe.

1. gue pernah kurus. dulu pas sd kurus ceking banget udah item jelek ceking lagi parah bgt dah. tapi ntah kenapa sekarang ndut banget, chubby, bunder ugh. jeleknya mah tetep sama.
2. gue suka apapun yang cookies n' cream flavored.
3. gue suka warna biru. apapun yang warna biru dan ada di deket gue pasti gue bilang lucu ihihik.
4. gue sangat benci warna oren dan gue gasuka warna pink. tapi barang-barang gue hampir semua warna pink. aneh gak.
5. GUE SUKA MAKAN. gue kalo gabut makan. kalo galau makan. kalo seneng makan. makanya jadi kayak sapi bunting gini.
6. i was a hardcore fans of miley cyrus. waktu dia masih normal-_- sekarang juga masih suka tapi ga sefanatik dulu (gue ampe punya baju, tas, notebook yang gambarnya hannah montana loh wkwk)
7. gue bokek all the time.
8. gue penyakitan. gue asma, maag, anemia, suka migren, dan suka sakit pinggang. tapi anehnya gue ga pernah dirawat di rs sama sekali wkwkwk. diinfus pun bahkan gapernah.
9. gue dulu tukang dance cover.
10. gue pernah membintangi iklan dua kali, satu rin*so satu lagi kecap a*bc. semuanya berkat nyokap yang tulisannya menang lomba ihihik
11. ukuran sepatu gue 37-38, baju gue L. siapa tau ada yang mau ngasih kado. WKWKWK gak lah
12. i got in kpop world on 2010, and couldn't get out since then.
13. gue gak suka beresin kamar. asal lo tau kamar gue bener-bener kayak kapal pecah. LITERALLY.
14. i like to imagine things that will never happened hehehe. sian yah.
15. banyak yang bilang mata gue bagus tapi sejujurnya gue sendiri ga suka sama mata gue wkwk gatau kenapa
16. gue gak pedean orangnya lol i'm not saying i'm humble or something cuma banyak dari diri dan penampilan gue yang bikin gue gak pede
17. when i get stressed, my skin breaks out. i get acnes and my skin will become dry HUHUHU AKU SEDIH
18. i want to be taller. and skinnier. AND SMARTER.
19. gue selalu mencoba ramah sama orang karena gue takut orang sakit hati kalo gue jutek tapi kayaknya ramah atau tidak tetep aja orang lain sakit hati sama gue hiks
20. i hate my own voice GAH it's annoying even for me
21. if i have a crush on someone i always can't hide it. emotions always show clearly in my face jadi ya begitu aku gak pandai pura-pura
22. gue benci banget sama kimia dan fisika. urgh
23. kalo nangis, walaupun dikit doang, muka gue langsung bengep. idung merah, mata bengkak, kayak badut tai banget emang y.
24. aku cinta indomie, apapun rasanya aku cinta semuanya
25. i love taking derp selfies karena akunya jelek daripada sok cantik aku lebih suka foto muka lebih jelek ahahaha:(
26. my favorite tv show is how i met your mother, running man, crime scene season 2, young & hungry, dan ofc hannah montana (all seasons).
27. gue cinta mati sama lee kwangsoo dan gue ga bercanda.
28. i enjoy writing poems and quotes and lyrics but i'm bad at it
29. the voice in my mind speaks english more than indonesian lol
30. i can do anything to make the people around me happy.

“It was a question I had worn on my lips for days - like a loose thread on my favourite sweater I couldn't resist pulling - despite knowing it could all unravel around me. 

"Do you love me?" I ask.

In your hesitation I found my answer.” 

 ―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

 “What was it like to love him? Asked Gratitude. 

It was like being exhumed, I answered, and brought to life in a flash of brilliance.

What was it like to be loved in return? Asked Joy. 

It was like being seen after a perpetual darkness, I replied. To be heard after a lifetime of silence. 

What was it like to lose him? Asked Sorrow. There was a long pause before I responded: 

It was like hearing every goodbye ever said to me—said all at once.” 

―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

 “I don’t know how you are so familiar to me—or why it feels less like I am getting to know you and more as though I am remembering who you are. How every smile, every whisper brings me closer to the impossible conclusion that I have known you before, I have loved you before—in another time, a different place, some other existence.” 

―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

“In her eyes, the sadness sings—of one who was destined, for better things.”  

―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

“We had no ending, no said goodbye.
For all my life, I'll wonder why.”  

―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

"When two souls fall in love, there is nothing else but the yearning to be close to the other. The presence that is felt through a hand held, a voice heard, or a smile seen.
Souls do not have calendars or clocks, nor do they understand the notion of time or distance. They only know it feels right to be with one another.
This is the reason why you miss someone so much when they are not there— even if they are only in the very next room. Your soul only feels their absence— it doesn’t realize the separation is temporary.”  

―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

“When words run dry, 

he does not try, 

nor do I. 

We are on par. 

He just is,  

I just am 

and we just are”  

――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

“Can I ask you something? 

Anything.

Why is it every time we say goodnight, it feels like goodbye?” 

―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

“Do you remember the song that was playing the night we met? No, but I remember every song I have heard since you left.” 

―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

“I don't think all writers are sad, she said. I think it's the other way around- all sad people write.” 

―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

“But it was now time for her to go away—to find someone who could show her what happiness was.” 

―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

 "I know that I don't own you,  

And perhaps I never will, 

So anger when you're with her, 

I have no right to feel 

I know that you don't owe me, 

And I shouldn't ask for more; 

I shouldn't feel so let down, 

All the times when you don't call 

What I feel—I should show you, 

So when you're around I won't; 

I know I have no right to feel it 

but it doesn't mean I don't.” 

 ―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

“I still search for you in crowds, in empty fields and soaring clouds. In city lights and passing cars, on winding roads and wishing stars.” 

―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

“Do you know what it is like, to lie in bed awake; with thoughts to haunt you every night, of all your past mistakes?
Knowing sleep will set it right - if you were not to wake.” 

―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

“Before the tears that tore us, when our history was before us.” 

―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

 “Letting him go;
There is a particular kind of suffering to be experienced when you love something greater than yourself. A tender sacrifice. Like the pained silence felt in the lost song of a mermaid; or the bent and broken feet of a dancing ballerina. It is in every considered step I am taking in the opposite direction of you.” 

―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

"What is she like? 

I was told—she is a melancholy soul.
She is like the sun to the night; 

A momentary gold.
A star when dimmed by dawning light; 

The flicker of a candle blown.
A lonely kite lost in flight—someone once had flown.”

 ―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

“Shrinking in a corner, 

pressed into the wall; 

do they know I'm present, 

am I here at all?

Is there a written rule book, 

that tells you how to be—all the right things to talk about—that everyone has but me?

Slowly I am withering—a flowered deprived of sun; 

longing to belong to—somewhere or someone.”