i've always been this full-on energetic, enthusiastic, slightly erratic, cheerful person. i'm so expressive and i express my emotions non-verbally most of the times. my mood, how i'm feeling, can easily be seen based on how i act. and it's been like that my whole life, i tend to find friends and dates that are very similar too. and that's what i love about them, they're always so excited about everything and you know i find life easy that wayyyy.

but nowadays idk.. my vibe is always off, my mood is constantly being torn apart. people around me don't reciprocate the same energy i give them, and it's just tiring... i hate it the most when i feel under-appreciated, when someone is not as enthusiastic, as expressive, as excited as i am about them. and the people that are making me feeling this way, are also making me reconsider some of the choices i made in the past. should i not expect too much? should i not be with them from the start? and it's been keeping me awake at night unsure what to do for these past months. because they keep bringing me down. i realize that slowly, i'm holding back myself from being my usual self. and i fucking HATE that. i know it's not their fault, it's just how they were programmed. but still, you get me, right? (who tf am i talking to here wkwkwkw)

anyway.

life sucks. i'm not sure about anything anymore, when i used to say that some things are a sure thing. those sure thing(s), are making me doubting when i shouldn't be worrying about things like this bcs there are sooo many things that are far more important than this. but yeah, let's hope i'll straighten it out after.