I used to DISLIKE, DESPISE, HATE HIM. I really didn't like him because he's cocky, and because he annoys me to the point that his breathing was annoying to me.

He made me cry because i hated him. he did something that makes me want to throw a brick at him in the face.
When i started to cry (i mentioned somewhere in this blog that i'm a crybaby, didn't i?) i knew that he panicked. He started to mumble something like "omg- i'm so sorry i didn't mean to.." but tears couldn't stop streaming on my face. i went home as soon as the bell rings.

Two days after, he was still apoligizing, and i stayed still, face firm. his face filled with worries, strangely, all that looked cute to me.
i was like "focus yarra, focus! he's a jerk, a jerky jerky jerk jerk jerk."
and i forgave him.

He would always throw flirty jokes on me, and he would always pretend that we're a couple or something. I felt nothing, most of the time i just ignored him.

But as time goes by, he talked less. He rarely said those kinda not-funny-jokes to me, and i was really curious. what exactly happened that made him like that? I caught him staring at me even more after that, and one day, when i was busy sweeping the class floor, he looked at me for a very long time, smiling slightly, and suddenly touches my cheeks.

I froze a bit, then i continued sweeping. I couldn't bring myself to ask him what was he doing.

From that day, he would always touch me NOT THE PERVERT WAY, something small like pinches my cheeks, pats my head, holds my hands, puts his chin on my shoulder, etc.
he did all that without saying anything. he would just stares at me, smiling.
And my heart was like drums.
thump-thump-thump.
Everyday, i would wait for him to do some small gestures.

One day, he stopped the things above.
I felt strangely worried.
then he started to avoid me at all costs, idk why, but he never talks to me in months. even if he really said anything, it's just one to two words, and it's for school stuff purposes.
i was kinda sad, actually. i thought "did i do something wrong or what?"
that time, i was still clueless about what i'm feeling. i told a close friend about all my worries and thoughts, and she just stared at me and said. "you're falling in love, yar."
and i was like "pfft, fuck no. i'm just worried that i did something bad to him."
"then why the hell would your heart races when he did all that?"
and i couldn't answer.

^^^^^^^^^^^ this happened almost a year ago.

He's still a jerk. a jerky jerky jerk jerk.

He still makes me cry.
But now not because i hate him, it's because i like him.
I rarely fall in love, you know.
I rarely bat an eye to a boy since my last relationship experience.
But this boy, that is a jerk, not even drop dead gorgeous, has succesfully made me like him.
He makes my heart thumps, even when he just slightly looks at me with his flat stares.

Fuck butterflies, i'm feeling moths in my stomach when i see him.
I hope this feeling will go away soon.